


what's up with you?

by jeonginks



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Angst, F/F, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-14
Updated: 2019-07-14
Packaged: 2020-06-28 03:05:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,444
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19803424
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jeonginks/pseuds/jeonginks
Summary: You were a new transfer student and Seungmin sat next to you. He didn’t quite like you though.





	what's up with you?

**Author's Note:**

> Enjoy this atrocious, unplanned piece I really shouldn’t be spending hours on.

What was up with you?

You would not stop talking, and Seungmin was absolutely infuriated with you.

He knew the second you walked into the classroom introduced as the new transfer, the seat next to his would be the one the class teacher would assign you to. The reason was rather simple and obvious: the seat was the only empty seat in the classroom. That reason he did not stress too much about, what he stressed about was the fact that he had switched only a few days earlier from the front to the back because Hyunjin would not stop sleeping.

Back then Seungmin was still pretty happy about the empty seat next to him. His previous partner wasn’t annoying, he just preferred to work alone most of the time. Human interactions could be done during the many minutes during recess and lunchtime, but during the class period, he would very much like to pay attention without the shifty movements all his past desk-mates seemed to be always making.

Now he was just annoyed, extra annoyed when he realized you were the type to go out and make exciting, life-changing decisions like making friends with your desk-mate immediately. What were you so happy about? You just switched school, you left you old friends and your old comfort zone, you’ve got millions of school work to catch up on—what the hell were you so happy about?

(Seungmin didn’t actually hope for you to be sad, he simply wanted a short period of you sadly dwelling in the past so he could have his peace and quiet until he finds a way to get himself his old desk-mate back. At least he knew Felix.)

And you talk and ask so much. You mumble about class material to yourself, repeating the words your teachers already said; You ask him useless questions regarding and not regarding the class; You tell him personal things he definitely did not need to know nor was he interested about.

If Seungmin could find a pause button on your body he would press it, or if he could find a roll of black tape—or any tape for such a desperate situation—he would tear a portion off and slap it over your mouth in seconds, it would drown out your voice and cover that constant smile on your face.

God, you were like a loud version of Jeongin. Except Seungmin didn’t quite like you as much as he did the cherry-haired boy.

“Do you want to have lunch together?” You asked as the bell rang, looking over at Seungmin with hopeful eyes.

Seungmin heaved a sigh. You had asked him the same question precisely ten times, for two weeks straight, and he rejected your offer ten times, each time the more clueless he got regarding why you were so set on having lunch with him instead of your group of friends. He’s got his own group of friends already, breaking away from his own circle to sit with you wasn’t really a thing he wanted to do.

Someone else could do it.

“No,” he replied curtly, taking out his lunch box from his schoolbag and holding it close to his chest as he stood up. He didn’t quite look at you when he spoke, “Shouldn’t you be having lunch with your friends? Wouldn’t want them to think you ditched them now, would you?”

You nodded meekly, “Uh… I just thought maybe I can eat with you… since you are going to sit next to me for the whole year and all.”

“Well you don’t need to, I’m good,” he said, glancing at you briefly to find your expression more unreadable and neutral than he thought it would be. He pursed his lips together, giving you a small nod before he left his seat and rushed over to Hyunjin and Felix’s side where they headed out the classroom together.

You watched him through the opened window that displayed a sight of the hallway, your eyes blinking as you faintly observed the way he talked to the other two whilst walking down, another friend soon joining their side. A bright smile quirks upon his face when he chats with his friends, you realized, and you wondered why he never displays such a likable side of him to everyone else.

The thought lingered in your mind after you returned your attention to the blackboard at the front of the class. You stared at the homework section, feeling mentally drained just by looking at all the scribbles your teachers have put up on there, indicating yet another all-nighter you would have to pull just to finish the workload.

The classroom slowly emptied out as students left in big or small groups, soon enough you were staring at your own silhouette reflected by the beaming sun shining through the worn-out leaves on the tree just outside the window. You looked around then, hearing faint sounds of laughter coming from other classrooms of remaining students who chose to eat inside instead of downstairs in the big cafeteria.

You pursed your lips bitterly as you willed your sudden blurry sight to focus on the white lines across the blackboard that the class monitor forgot to erase before skipping out the classroom with her friends. You let out a croaked sigh and smiled at the reflection of the swaying leaves, your only companion, before you pulled out a biology textbook from your drawer and slammed it on your desk.

You went into your schoolbag and fished out a hastily wrapped sandwich. Removing the plastic wrap clumsily, you discarded it to the side with little regards—you were too busy listening to the crowded sound from downstairs that resonated up to the almost empty classrooms, and staring at the big frog eyes on your biology textbook (the same ones you drooled on a few nights ago).

Squeezing the sandwich a little, you took a big fat bite and flipped open the textbook.

* * *

You were extra giddy today. If that was even possible.

You always smiled, but your smile was different today—you didn’t just smile because you could, you did it with a reason behind it. It wasn’t the constant cheery smile that could encourage (or heavily annoy) other people, it was for you, the smile was for you.

And you muttered even more animatedly than you used to despite your words being very unintelligible. It was driving Seungmin crazy to hear that you were talking but not knowing exactly what you were saying. Not that he cared about what you have to say, he just… he would like to know everything he could hear within earshot clearly and leave with zero ambiguity. That was all.

You weren’t talking to him, though. You were mostly talking to yourself today, with your bright sun-kissed eyes and your bright moon-shaped smile that Seungmin could not help but notice.

(Cut him some slacks. He had to have noticed some stunning features of you at some point. If he doesn’t now, he will within a year of being within the presence of your company. He might not admit it, but he will notice it. All desk-mates share a set of unique observations of each other perhaps not even their best friends know of.)

Seungmin tapped his feet with impatience and twirled his pen an excessive amount until you turned to him abruptly during the middle of the class. He spared you a sideway glance before his shoulder slumped in a huge sigh at what was about to come.

“You look stressed today, wanna hear some good news?” You asked, and Seungmin, knowing it was a rhetorical question, did not answer. “My mom and dad are bringing me out to dinner today!”

“That’s good news?” Seungmin said in faint disbelief.

“It is for me! They are always working, they are both workaholics. It’s like leaving their office is a crime of some sort, I swear. But I don’t get to see them all the time, not to mention having dinner,” you gently clapped your hands together, “They decided to head home early today because it’s my birthday.”

Seungmin looked over at you then and he just knew you were looking right back at him with those anticipating eyes. You wanted him to say something, it would only be the decent thing to do if he congratulated you, but Seungmin was stupidly stubborn in the cold shoulder game he’d been holding up for so long and he was not about to just cave in to those shiny, expectant eyes that were causing him one hundred points of damage.

He shrugged, “Good for you.”

“You’re not going to wish me a happy birthday?” You said in amazement (not quite the good kind), your hands dropping to your side as your eyes rounded incredulously. “Why are you like this, Seungmin? What is up with you?”

“Excuse me?” He replied defensively, turning his head to you.

“What is up with you?” You asked again, as a matter of factly, “There must be a reason why you are so sulky today. I can tell you what is up with me if it makes you feel better. Like I told you, today is my birthday. I wrote a wishlist yesterday… uh… I think I am failing physics and biology class this semester.”

Seungmin stared at you. Of course, you meant it in a less offensive way. He should have to feel offended in the first place because you were never going to ask anyone what the hell is wrong with them. He was more the type to do that.

“None of your business,” he replied with a roll of his eyes before returning his attention to the teacher.

You hummed at him, choosing to look at his side-profile long enough to have Seungmin curl the fist beneath his chin and fight a pink blush by tackling it away from his cheeks. But before he could complain about it with yet another mindless insult, you looked away with a small smile.

Small hums of a song sounded from your throat, softly and quietly embracing only the two of you and completely drowned out by the teacher’s bark of another mathematical formula. You were happy, so happy, and Seungmin found himself needing to gulp down a glad smile meant for you.

* * *

Seungmin furrowed his eyebrows at the pouring rain outside. Students were scurrying out of the school doors quickly, joining each others’ umbrellas or hovering beneath their school sweater as they walked under the dripping cold of the unpredicted weather change until they either meet the bus stop or jump onto their parents’ car.

“Seungmin, did you bring an umbrella?” Hyunjin asked in an almost whiny voice as he moved over to him, a pout evident on his face, “Jeongin wouldn’t share his with me. He would rather take Felix than me, how unbelievable is that?”

“Very unbelievable,” Seungmin said while rolling his eyes, letting Hyunjin cling onto his arm as they walked through the hallway to the lobby where the school exit doors were located.

A familiar back appeared into his vision when they approached the exit doors. Seungmin stopped in his tracks when Hyunjin suddenly let go of him to run back to where they came from, most likely to gather more of their friends so they could leave in a group and arrive at the coffee shop (it was a tradition of the nine of them to buy a drink after school together) in separate pairs during such horrible weather.

Seungmin paid attention in his movement when he turned to look behind his shoulder, checking up on Hyunjin and seeing that he was indeed dragging Jisung along with him. He looked back outside at the rain, already acknowledging the person standing next to him was you, but you didn’t seem to be paying much attention to him as you had a phone to your ear.

“Mom, I called dad but he wasn’t picking up. It is raining really heavily outside and I didn’t bring an umbrella, I was thinking maybe you guys can stop by the school to fetch me instead–”

Seungmin blinked a couple of times at your sudden halt. He didn’t mean to eavesdrop but you stood only a few inches next to him and, well, he started listening when you mentioned that you were without an umbrella.

“Oh… so, are you going to be home during the evening? Like around nine or so…? No? Oh… yeah, okay, no worries. I can order takeouts or get something for dinner as I get back home.”

He inwardly gasped a little. So your parents couldn’t make it for your birthday after all. He was pretty sure that was what happened since your usual cheery tone faded long since the halt of your first sentence.

A feeling churned inside Seungmin then, a gutted feeling, like a knot of some sort. He wasn’t quite at the point where his heart was broken for you yet, but he certainly did feel bad for you. There was something else, though, he couldn’t put his finger on. It magnified when he recalled the way your eyes gleamed with excitement and how he had felt happy for you then, only to know that you weren’t going to get your anticipation returned and he… he felt that sort of happiness for nothing.

Your voice was so mellow and he was sure your eyes would be pretty lifeless from the news too, so he didn’t dare to look.

He would call the feeling disappointment, on your behalf, he supposed.

Gosh, he didn’t tell you happy birthday this afternoon either. He practically ignored you.

Maybe he should get over his stubborn self and just congratulate you. It might make you feel better.

“Hey–”

“Share an umbrella with me, Seungmin!”

He turned to find Jisung latching onto his arm this time, a pleading look in his eyes as he shook his head at the stormy rain outside. Seungmin clicked his tongue in annoyance and nodded, “Okay!”

“What? What about me! Seungmin!” Hyunjin’s voice came hollering from the back of the group.

“Fight it out, both of you!” Seungmin removed Jisung’s hand quickly so he could turn to face you, but by the time he got rid of Jisung, you were long gone from the spot you once were. He cursed under his breath and looked outside at the rain, his heart pounding lightly at how quick he was moving.

“Damn it, what are you doing? You don’t even have an umbrella!” He hissed under his breath as his eyes moved to search for you in the crowd even though he knew very well you would have gotten pretty far already.

But he couldn’t help it, his eyes looked for your back outside the doors. 

* * *

You were your usual self today. It was as if yesterday was not a total disappointment on your part. You talked about anything and everything, you spoke to Seungmin and took the usual cold shoulder he gave you (half-heartedly, but you didn’t know that). But you didn’t ask Seungmin whether he wanted to have lunch with you or not, and neither was he going to ask first.

He thought you finally got the hint that he has his own group of friends and you have your own group of friends to eat with in the cafeteria, if you guys ate in the cafeteria at all. He had been looking around the place for you, he wasn’t sure why but he had, and no matter how many times he told himself your lunch location wasn’t the cafeteria, his eyes couldn’t stop roaming casually after he sat himself down with his group.

Today was no different for you. You waited for everyone to leave the class before you grabbed your schoolbag and went inside to take out your lunch. Your eyes widened after you moved through your belongings, finding a lack of plastic bag in between your things. A panicked squeak sounded through your mouth as you frantically shifted through your things then, looking for the sandwich you left on the kitchen counter during the groggy morning.

You sighed as you looked up, finally accepting the fact that you forgot your lunch. Reaching down to the smaller compartment, you took out your wallet and headed down to the cafeteria where there was a small stall of food for students to buy food. But as soon as you got down, you realized the only food left was the smaller desert such as puddings and cakes. The pieces of bread and cup noodles had already been sold out during the time you waited for everyone to leave and the time you wasted looking for something you never brought with you.

“There is nothing left? Absolutely nothing?” You asked the stall lady, who nodded with an irritated sigh.

“Yes, do you see anything here? Just the puddings and the small cakes,” she said, gesturing to the glass.

Your shoulders slumped as you nodded. Looking around the glass, you weakly pointed at the pudding, “Then can I just have one of those, please? Thank you.”

With a short apology, you quickly paid for your food and turned around to leave the cafeteria. Seungmin’s eyes trailed after your figure, unbeknownst to you he had been watching as soon as your figure stepped through the doors.

He sucked in a breath through his teeth. You didn’t look like you were having the best day, you certainly would not have had the best day yesterday if your parents couldn’t even be there to celebrate your own birthday. Or maybe he was wrong, maybe you made something for yourself and had a pretty good night.

But Seungmin just couldn’t shake off the unfulfilling feeling inside his chest. He felt like he’s got to do something about what he had secretly acquired.

He stood up then, startling his friends.

“What are you doing?” Hyunjin asked, looking up at him with a mouthful of rice.

“I want to get a cake, I am heading back upstairs to get some money,” he said quickly before leaving the table, ignoring all the questions that left his friends’ mouth.

* * *

You sat near the wall of the classroom door, your legs crossed as you leaned against the concrete. The plastic spoon was being dragged slowly out of your mouth as you mindlessly stared at the ceiling above, tasting the watery pudding in your mouth despite the food not having much sweetness to it whatsoever.

You should have gotten used to the empty classroom by now. It had been… almost a whole semester of you being the only person who eats alone in an empty classroom, and the person being forcefully stuck in a group of friends during a group project, and probably the only student who actually pays attention during school assemblies because nobody wanted to chat with you about anything.

Circles of friends were hard to break. It wasn’t the first time you learned. Your only hope had been Seungmin, the boy who would be forced to sit next to you for a whole year, but he didn’t give you much to hope for and you supposed it was about time you give up on him and yourself.

It wasn’t all that bad, surely. Studying during lunch was effective, there were absolutely zero rumors about you circling around the students, and uh… uh….

“Uh… ” You looked down at your half-eaten pudding, trying desperately to come up with reasons to why being alone wasn’t at all a bad thing. It wasn’t, certainly, but too much is too much.

Alone turns into lonely soon enough and then you would be left with a shell of hollowness inside your chest when you realized you couldn’t force yourself to belong anywhere anymore because you’ve been alone for too long, even though sometimes being alone wasn’t exactly your choice.

The pudding box stood next to your feet as your legs curled up to your chest and you sobbed into the back of your palm quietly, wiping your cheeks from time to time to cast away the tears.

Lonely turns into pain soon enough.

And sometimes you can handle the lonely but you can’t handle the pain, because the pain gives you the realization that you’ve been wanting to avoid. Realization that you didn’t belong, or that no one cared enough, or anything at all really.

The door suddenly burst open and you automatically sucked in a breath and turned your head to the side. Slowly turning your body away from the classroom, you hoped the person couldn’t notice you fading further and further into the corner.

“(Name)?”

Damn it. Kim Seungmin.

You waved a hand at him, “Hey, Seungmin!”

“What are you doing here?” He asked, furrowing his eyebrows as he looked at your back.

You laughed, finding it almost comical at the way your tears continued to roll down your cheeks. You placed a hand above your belly to even the weight of your pressure before you spoke, “Eating a pudding. I finished lunch and decided to come back up early.”

“Why? Lunch doesn’t end in another thirty minutes, (Name),” Seungmin questioned, crossing his arms in light suspicion.

“I have to catch up with classes so I came back here to study,” you shrugged, praying to God he would just drop the matter and leave so you could cry freely again. “Just go so I can study.”

Seungmin tilted his head to the side. You were moving an excessive amount but in an awkward way that made him frown, fidgeting as if you were hiding something. He walked closer to you, “Where is your textbook?”

“I will study after I finish the pudding.”

“Really?”

“Yes,” you nodded, “Can you please leave?”

You shut your eyes tightly when your voice croaked, wanting to do nothing but pound at your own chest for not being able to do even just one single thing right. Seungmin’s eyes narrowed at the sudden crack in your voice, his concern finally seeping through the mere surface of his heart and pouring out his ribcage to leak out to the open world. He walked near you then, quickly, and you could hear him.

You panicked, noting wanting him—especially him—to see you so broken like this when all you’ve ever shown him was your annoying, bubbly side. Therefore, your first instinct was to yell at him to stop, a bloody scream almost but you were aware of your location and how such a false alarm could jeopardize your conduct grade.

Seungmin was startled, never heard you speak with such malice before. He stumbled back a little with a faintly angered expression, “Jesus, what the fuck is up with you today?”

“This! This is what the fuck is up with me, okay!” You turned around to show him your swollen eyes and wet cheeks, jabbing an accusing finger at yourself, “I am what the fuck is up with me so can you just–just leave me alone, Seungmin, please!”

Seungmin stared at you in shock for a while, unable to process the happy smile that was no longer slapped upon your face. Your smile has turned upside down and your eyes were curled for a completely different reason. He gulped painfully at the idea that he might have been one of the reason for your change in expression.

This breakdown wasn’t just because of the failed birthday, he understood. It was most likely all the stress that had been piling up on top of you for the semester, all the stress you had been telling him about, he just recalled, and all the stress he dismissed with a wave of his hand and a simple eye roll.

Your sobs waved between his ears, circling them like a madman. And he asked him what he was doing. What should he be doing? Kim Seungmin, you useless piece of shit, all you needed to do was give them a proper reaction when no one else would. You were the closest to them, damn it, you sat right next to them. This wouldn’t have happened if you would just smile a little.

Do something, Seungmin. Just do something.

You felt a back pressed up against yours. Seungmin sat down comfortably behind you and he leaned on your back for support, causing your sobs to cease slightly due to confusion. He looked up at the ceiling, his eyes soft and tender in the way he wished he had the courage to let you see.

But if you did, you might realize what was really up with him.

“Happy Birthday to you,” he began, a tune timidly coming out of his lips as he tapped his fingers against the floor to keep himself on the beat.

You looked up from the ground in surprise, listening to his soft voice as he continued with the song. He was using a voice only meant for the two of you to hear, singing mellowly and charmingly a song you deserved to hear every year but never did through someone else’s voice.

“I’m sorry I was such as asshole to you,” Seungmin said after the song ended, “I guess that is what’s up with me. I am an asshole and I am awkward with new people.”

You sniffed a little, “Yeah, you are one.”

He smiled, he would be taking that insult willingly. Placing a hand next to him, he moved it to the back enough for you to acknowledge it. “I am also here right now and I don’t mind being friends with you,” he said, “If you will have me, of course.”

You looked at his hand before you took it slowly, feeling your tears suck themselves back into your eyes as the warmth of his hand engulfed yours. When your intertwined hands dropped on the floor, you smiled and leaned against Seungmin’s back. He could feel the vibration from your gentle laughter and he really wanted nothing more than to turn around so he could see the light flood back into your eyes.

He hadn’t even realized how much he loved seeing passion glow on your skin.

“I am gonna mark today on my calendar. The cold-hearted Kim Seungmin finally broke the ice around his heart,” you joked, “What is up with you?”

Yeah, what is up with him?

Seungmin blinked as he tightened his grip on your hand.

He didn’t know exactly. He wasn’t in love with you yet, but he had this feeling he will.

“Ask me that later,” He said.

Later, when he fully falls in love with you, which he was sure he will.


End file.
